10 Terrible Movie Posters

Burke & Hare poster

So your new movie is the can, everyone’s got a great feeling about it, the PR machine grinds into action and then you get the first posters back from the agency and… well if you’re John Landis, your heart has to sink a little surely?

After the frankly terrible Burke & Hare poster released yesterday, I went trawling the internet to find more photoshopped monstrosities, or just terribly badly realised designs. Here are ten truly terrible, badly thought out, poorly designed movie posters. Some are PSDs some are just plain wrong. But, be warned, what follows cannot be unseen…


10. Venus

Re-animated Peter O Toole

Venus is a brilliantly touching movie, with fantastic performances from both Leslie Phillips and poster star Peter O’Toole. Of course, if you didn’t know anything about the movie, from this poster you would think that he was either a mad scientist or possibly a reanimated corpse.

9. Takers

Takers

The more I look at this one, the more it hurts my eyes. It’s quite clear that none of these men were in the same room at the same time, and indeed I’m pretty sure that Paul Walkers’ head wasn’t in the same room as the same time as his body. Painfully poor.

8. All About Steve

All About Steve

Whatever these guys are looking at, it’s not Sandra Bullock. You can’t blame them really, she is dressed like an Australian’s nightmare, and is clearly so embarrassed that she’s sidling off the whole damn poster. “Yeah guys, it’s been fun, but… well OMIGOSH is that the time…. would love to stay and chat but..”

7. Sex & The City 2

Sex & the City 2

If you were producer of a film you also starred in, would you really approve a photo that emphasises just how much of a horse-faced donkey witch you really are? Not to mention Kim Catrall’s helmet hair and teensy sparkling of pixie dust all over the sand. Vomitous.

6. One Missed Call

One Missed Call

I suspect that whomever designed this, had the Silence of the Lambs poster in mind, where the deaths head on the moths is actually made up of naked bodies. “Ooh” I bet they thought “I can make screaming mouths the eyes!” Well, yes you can, but from a distance you can’t tell what it is, you just wonder why there’s some bug faced person on the poster. When you look at it close up, it’s definitely more of an “euwww” that an terrified “ahhh!”

5. Heavy Petting

Heavy Petting

I feel a bit sorry for the designer who got this brief. I mean it was always going to be difficult to do this in a tasteful fashion. But does the dog really need to be photoshopped in such a way that it looks like he’s touching up her boob? All manner of wrong.

4. Shaggy Dog

Shaggy Dog

And while we’re talking of wrong, Tim Allen’s eyes in a dog’s head is quite clearly a crime against nature, and enough to give small children everywhere nightmares.

3. Good Luck Chuck

Good Luck Chuck

What is Dane Cook trying to do to Jessica Alba? And why won’t she look at him. How big is that bed anyway? Why is his leg bobbly? JUST WHY DEAR GOD WHY????

2. Bangkok Dangerous

Bangkok Dangerous

Oh no! Someone has stolen the gun out of Nic Cage’s hand, so he’s got to reach into the infinity pocket under his armpit to get another one.

1. Yogi Bear
Yogi Bear

Yogi! No! What are you doing to BooBoo? Oh hold on he seems to be enjoying it, we’ll just leave you two fellas alone. Live and let live, eh.
I have to believe that this was put together by blind people in separate rooms and no-one ever actually looked at that picture, with that tagline, and said… “Hold on, doesn’t that seem a little… filthy?”

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~ by moviegrrlreviews on October 7, 2010.

6 Responses to “10 Terrible Movie Posters”

  1. :O At least in the case of the Yogi film it seems to be bewilderingly unintentional: for ‘Heavy Petting’ though, is that actually a film about a woman having to choose between her guy and her dog? Oh, Hollywood. Nic Cage wins, though. ‘It’s all in the execution’, indeed.

    (Personally I could live without the SJP comment. What’s wrong with that poster isn’t that SJP doesn’t conform to arbitrary and generic standards of beauty. Why not pick on the invisible legs instead?)

  2. Fair point about the SJP comment although I do think her face has been mucked about with more than strictly necessary. But yes, even without that, it would still be a terrible poster.

    As for Heavy Petting, the synopsis is mind-boggling :”When Charlie meets Daphne – the girl of his dreams – he never expects he’ll have to battle past her pet dog “Babydoll” to woo her. And just when it seems he can’t beat the beast and all is lost, something unexpected happens: Charlie begins to fall in love with the dog himself, realizing he never really needed a girlfriend in the first place..”

    O_o

  3. Charlie begins to fall in love with the dog himself

    There is not enough WTF in the world to compete with that. Am adding it to my rental list immediately!

  4. I didn’t realise that Rachel McAdams played Kim Catrall in Sex and the City 2.

  5. BRB, still trying to get over the fact that there is a movie called Heavy Petting in the first place…

    Had tried to block that One Missed Call poster from my memory, so thanks for that 😦

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